LIFE

I’m going to need a moment…

…a moment to cuss

…to vent

…to cry

…to obliterate

…to indulge

…to endure

…to escape

…to breathe

…to sleep

…to plan

…to create

…to strategize

…to care

…to love

…to remember

…to maintain

…to mature

…to meditate

…to assess

…to mitigate

…to delegate

…to react

…to collapse

…to feel

…to survive

…to overcome

…to become

…to heal

Such a long year...

It really has been a long year. I can't believe I haven't published a post since last May. I would update, but it would be a really long post and no one wants to read that nonsense. The final result is that once our life finally had a chance to settle down to become less scheduled, I broke my ankle and sprained my other one while walking out of my house on June 3rd. How? I'm just awesome like that, didn't you know?!? ;)

I have a LOT of downtime right now, so I will come back a little more frequently to share little snippets of the past few weeks, maybe even the past year.

Failure

This has been one of those weeks where I wish I could go back and start over. Work has been great, kids have been great, and the week as a whole has generally been okay. Life is good right now.

But I feel like I got started off on the wrong foot or something. It's almost like there was some very important thing I was supposed to do earlier in the week (or month, or year) and I somehow completely flaked on it. Am I the only one who has times like this??

Even though things are going well, I keep getting the feeling of impending doom. I do what I can for everyone I can, but some days just don't work. I start out with good intentions and then end up out of motivation by dinnertime and no longer care about even the simplest things like what to eat for dinner. I cannot figure out where this feeling comes from. It's likely just a culmination of different things. Like emails I have sent going unanswered or ignored. Or text messages not being returned. Or people who used to say hello in the friendliest of ways now doing so through fake smiles that exude "please go away from me" instead. Or only talking to the husband and kids about what we are going to eat, what we have to do next, or what paper do I need to sign now, instead of more meaningful conversations about what is going on in their lives right now, how they feel about life, and what needs to be done to make things all better.

Most of the time this is all in my head and not really true. At least that's what people always tell me. I'm not sure that I believe everyone who says that though. I consider myself a pretty smart cookie. A little too naive and trusting sometimes, but fairly intelligent enough to notice when things go a little too far off of the familiar path.

One day, we will have a place on the beach or on a mountaintop. Brian and I will sit on the deck all day, sipping our coffee while watching the sun rise and set. And it won't matter at all if people return our emails and texts, or if anyone likes us or not, or if a supervisor wants to take advantage of our willingness to go above and beyond our job description. We will enjoy each day and not have to worry about who is out to take advantage of our kindness next.

One glorious day.

Testing

Just testing out the blogger app to see how it works. So far it's okay, but I hate typing in portrait mode. They should change that. ;)

And I should really start publishing some of my posts. I have way too many drafts!!

Dillon McWhiney

Dillon does not like to go to school. He likes school. Just doesn't like waking up and going to school. Once he gets there, he is fine. Loves his teacher, likes his classmates, does really well in his studies. He just does not like getting out of bed.

Every morning we spend the better part of an hour fighting with him to get his clothes on, to brush his hair, to get off the couch, to put on his shoes, to get in the van. This child will be 10 next month! This is getting old fast!

So this was my conversation with Dillon on Monday as I drove up to the school to drop him off.

Dillon: "I want to go back to bed."
Me: "Three more weeks. Just three more weeks and I won't even make you get up for over 2 months. School is almost over!"
*At this point he scowls at me. lol*
Me: "It's not that bad, Dillon! Go and have a good day. I will see you as soon as I get off from work."
Dillon: "grrrr ugh grrrr"
Me: "Okay. Goodnight! I love you!"

You should have seen the look I got then! It started as an angry look that morphed into one of complete beffudlement. lol
He called me crazy, asked me to pick him up early, and then shut the van door.

Man, I really do love that kid!

But, seriously though. The whining has to stop. Like now.

Weird dream 5/15/11

I'm going to start trying to post the dreams I have. I found out that I can email directly to my blog, so I can type up my dream on my phone when I first wake up. That way maybe I can remember some of the weirder ones. Just as a note... I dream in vivid color, as if I am in my own movie of sorts, and I typically remember them for quite a while. Like reading a book or watching a movie and remembering the entire storyline for years afterward.

So here we go...
We were at a school and a flood warning was announced. There was no rain or flooding outside of the school. We were told to get up to the third floor and stay there. It was an oddly small school, but three stories high, and very square in shape. Standing on 2nd floor stairwell I could see the first floor completely flooded but not the ground outside. Very weird looking. The first floor was basically a 5-6ft swimming pool but the ground outside the window was completely dry. Someone had told the custodians to keep cleaning the floors even though they were completely under water. A custodian stood in water up to her neck to mop a floor under the water.
We ended up stuck up in the third floor attic space and people were starting to complain because it had been lunch time when the flooding started and now everyone was hungry. All of the food was now completely under water. I woke up before finding out how it ended.

I really want to know how they got the water out (duh! Just open the doors and let the water out! Genius!!) and if anyone ever got any food. Bummer.

Disk full

I have a bad habit of taking thousands of pictures and then never, ever deleting any of them, not even the really bad blurry ones. This has caused quite a headache for my precious computer. As a result, I will be spending most of the day transferrin pictures to external discs and hard drives, possibly uploading a bit here as I come across them. Say a quick prayer for this endeavor, for my and my computer's sanity.

Another reason to love Mike Rowe

Absolutely love him and the show Dirty Jobs on the Discovery Channel, but this makes me love him even more.

http://dsc.discovery.com/fansites/dirtyjobs/mike-rowe-senate-testimony.html

I come from a long line of skilled trades people and I could not agree more with everything he said. My mother is a textile worker, working for companies and waiting daily for someone to tell her that it's time to stand in the unemployment line because her job has once again been sent overseas for cheaper labor. My dad was a mechanic by trade, but he knew how to do a lot more than just fix cars and trucks. My brother has become a skilled tradesman by default, learning how to fix cars with my dad, working in a car factory, and delivering food to demanding hungry people.

I have aunts and uncles, cousins, and friends that all do some form of skilled labor. And almost every one of them are underpaid and under-appreciated for the awesomeness that they do.

Not everyone can land a spiffy office job, make millions in the entertainment industry, or even just happen to create something that will change the world. But absolutely everyone depends on someone who has the knowledge to fix something broken, unblock something clogged, or create something necessary for continuing to be comfortable in a modernized world.

This makes me want to go do something nice for my mom and brother, just because I can. Don't you have someone similar in your life that you can do the same for? Make it your goal this week to appreciate those who make your life more livable because of the awesome skills they have.

Jo's 8th grade prom

So... My oldest son went to his 8th grade prom tonight. He looked great! Fun was had by all and more pictures to come tomorrow!

Funny how this also made me realize that this time 22 years ago, I was attending my 8th grade prom in the same exact school. Times have changed, especially the sense of style.

4 months

It's been 4 months today.

 

Four months since I was told the news. Four months since the world forever changed. Four months that somehow still feel like yesterday. The days get easier, but the memories don't.