The plan

Mom had an appointment today to meet with the oncologist, surgeon, and radiologist. The cancer doesn't look good.

It is a level 3 mass and Her2 positive. She will do chemo (2 kinds that I can't remember the name of) every other week for 16 weeks. Then she will have surgery. Then 2 weeks of radiation followed by 52 weeks of herceptin.

She has 2 negatives going against her, but she is strong. Her outlook would have been tremendously better a year ago, but we can't turn back time. We can only go forward from now.

Now we wait for the call with the appointment for her first day of chemo. She has to have a CT scan, bone scan, and echo cardiogram done before beginning treatments to see if it has spread anywhere else.

It feels like we are waiting for that dreaded phone call that people get when a loved one is near death. It is like someone close to me has died and it just hasn't sunk in yet. I think I have been in denial since her diagnosis and now I am in mourning. Is it odd that I feel this way? Just thinking about it sometimes takes my breath away and makes me feel like someone has ripped my heart out. It is indescribable.