Failure

This has been one of those weeks where I wish I could go back and start over. Work has been great, kids have been great, and the week as a whole has generally been okay. Life is good right now.

But I feel like I got started off on the wrong foot or something. It's almost like there was some very important thing I was supposed to do earlier in the week (or month, or year) and I somehow completely flaked on it. Am I the only one who has times like this??

Even though things are going well, I keep getting the feeling of impending doom. I do what I can for everyone I can, but some days just don't work. I start out with good intentions and then end up out of motivation by dinnertime and no longer care about even the simplest things like what to eat for dinner. I cannot figure out where this feeling comes from. It's likely just a culmination of different things. Like emails I have sent going unanswered or ignored. Or text messages not being returned. Or people who used to say hello in the friendliest of ways now doing so through fake smiles that exude "please go away from me" instead. Or only talking to the husband and kids about what we are going to eat, what we have to do next, or what paper do I need to sign now, instead of more meaningful conversations about what is going on in their lives right now, how they feel about life, and what needs to be done to make things all better.

Most of the time this is all in my head and not really true. At least that's what people always tell me. I'm not sure that I believe everyone who says that though. I consider myself a pretty smart cookie. A little too naive and trusting sometimes, but fairly intelligent enough to notice when things go a little too far off of the familiar path.

One day, we will have a place on the beach or on a mountaintop. Brian and I will sit on the deck all day, sipping our coffee while watching the sun rise and set. And it won't matter at all if people return our emails and texts, or if anyone likes us or not, or if a supervisor wants to take advantage of our willingness to go above and beyond our job description. We will enjoy each day and not have to worry about who is out to take advantage of our kindness next.

One glorious day.